Thinking About Blogging.

Hi *sheepishly waves from the safety and comfort that is behind my laptop screen*

I don't really know where to start. My time between blog posts seems to be getting longer and longer, and there are only so many times that I can make excuses for it.

So, this time, no excuses.

I somewhat lost interest in blogging.

Not because I didn't have anything to say, but because I needed to work out where I was at with regard to social media.

I love the Diabetes Online Community. I've said it time and time again: for me, it's as important as the insulin in my pump - emotionally, it keeps me grounded. Nothing beats understanding, particularly from those that are at a similar stage of life as me (twenties, wading through life not really having a clue where you're at, who you are or what you're doing, and T1D is along for the ride - if this sounds familiar, hit me up! We'll figure things out together :) ).

When I was at uni, I threw myself into the DOC. And I have no regrets over that - it's brought me some fabulous friendships that I wouldn't trade in for the world. The connections have been there through a hypo at 2am, the stories shared offering endless amounts of hope about my future with type one. But since leaving uni and entering the (exciting?!) world of employment, I've leaned towards being more of an avid reader as opposed to a contributor.

I needed to figure out what I wanted from the community, and what I wanted to contribute to it. (Because support required changes as often as insulin requirements - it's never static).

Blogs are something I love. Real life stories of living an *actual* life with diabetes are what I look for. Not only do they often resonate, but they also inspire me in terms of my future.

I loved (love) writing and blogging. It was (is) my diabetes therapy. I don't care how many or how few people read my ramblings (and this blog is most definitely a rambling!) One thing I have umm-ed and ahh-ed over, however, is privacy. How much of my life do I want online? This is what somewhat explains the blog tumbleweed. I needed to have a very long think about what I wanted online. Because we all know, once it's out there, you ain't getting that shit back.

And that's not always a bad thing. It's just a case of thinking about what I publish. You'll notice in past blog posts, real names are a no-go, particularly when it comes to my littlest friend (who's not so little these days, and will be taller than my 5ft1" self very soon, I'm sure!)

When I started this blog, I was 20. I was living in Spain (oh, tapas and sangria, how I miss you!) I was struggling and I was removed from my support network. So I blogged, blogged, blogged. Anything and everything. And, for the first time in a long time, emotionally at least, I felt better.

Now? Now, having had a long think about privacy, and discussions with a few friends, I've decided I want to get back into blogging. For real this time. Because the blogs found in this little corner of the Internet have helped and inspired me immensely. And I want to continue to put my story "out there". Providing a story that resonates with just one person makes it all worth it, in my opinion.

Advocacy Guilt.

It was brought to my attention yesterday that January is Thyroid Awareness Month. (Well, in the US it is, anyway, but it doesn't change this post, nonetheless).

.

I had no idea.

Self care for my diabetes is so involved: I check my blood sugar, I wear an insulin pump, I count my carbs and dose insulin accordingly, I adjust my medication for exercise, stress and other emotions. I meticulously count the gulps of juice when I'm low to avoid over treating, and I do everything in my power not to rage bolus when my blood sugar is high and my insulin doesn't seem to be touching it (but I know it eventually will).

My family, friends and colleagues know I have type one diabetes. And to those that don't, I wear a medic alert bracelet, alerting them to the fact I have a health condition of some kind.

Self care for my underactive thyroid involves taking a tablet at 8.30am everyday.

That's it. My family, my closest friends and my boss know that I have an underactive thyroid. My family and closest friends, because I spoke to them about where I was at before I started thyroid medication. My boss, because I was at work when I got the diagnosis, and I had a little pity party.

I don't think about my thyroid and what it doesn't do in the same way I do my pancreas, and what it doesn't do (but I so badly want it to do). My lack of thyroid action doesn't impact my life in the same way my lack of pancreas action does. For the most part, diabetes peppers the background of my day, and my underactive thyroid I don't even consider an issue, as I just take my medication as prescribed, and that's it.

I wonder how different it would I only have an underactive thyroid, and no diabetes. Would I still consider it a "nothing issue" or do I just think of it like that because I'm comparing it to something that, in my opinion, is much more involved?

Would I be writing about my underactive thyroid in the same way I do my diabetes?

Who knows. I'll never know.

The point is, I feel somewhat guilty, as if I should be as eager to advocate about my "other health condition"' just like I am when it comes to my diabetes. But I'm just not into it. Maybe because I don't know enough about it? Or maybe, like I've said, compared to my diabetes, I don't even consider it an "issue"?

I don't know. But because it is Thyroid Awareness Month (and I still have a few days until February), I am going to research some blogs, and learn from those that are sharing their stories online like I am. (I'll also see if there's UK based awareness campaign for thyroid-related problems, and probably watch from the sidelines. I feel participating may be somewhat out of my comfort-zone, unlike talking diabetes online, which is my norm. We'll see!)

Because, whatever chronic condition(s) we live with, although we are not defined by it (them), it (they) does (do) help explain us (last line credit to SUM's tag line).

2016.

Oh, hey there! It's been a while, hasn't it?! I mean, we've not spoken since, what, last year?! Crazy, right? How have you been? I hope life's been treating you well.

Me?!

I'm doing really well thanks. Been off my advocacy/blogging game for a little bit, with other things taking priority, but I actually welcomed the break from the online stuff. I feel like I've been truly present in my "actual life" and that feels pretty darn good. As incredibly grateful I am for this little corner of the interweb, and the "me too" comfort I sought for a long time, sometimes a step back is what I need. Not because I no longer seek that comfort, but because I've found it's very easy to get so involved here, that I then start to neglect other priorities.

Striking a balance is something I'm constantly in pursuit of.

2016.

How did that happen?! Seriously?! (Happy New Year, by the way! I've just scrolled back up and checked - I've not said that yet. Very rude of me.)

My plans for this year?

They're pretty non-existent, I'm not going to lie. This year, I've chosen to not set resolutions. What's with the January pressure to do that anyway?! That, and 12 months is a really long time. There's a very good chance that what I "resolve to do in January" will be null and void before the end of the month! Things change, and I'm okay with that.

Instead, along with still pursuing balance, my plan is to...well...just go with it. Because, no matter how hard I try, navigating my way through my twenties isn't something I can plan to the letter. Plans change, life happens, and I just need to roll with the punches. It doesn't mean I'm failing, it means I'm adapting, and open to change.

I have no idea what the next 341 days have in store for me, but I'm excited to see where 2016 takes me.

Game on, life, game on.

Heavy Heart (World Diabetes Day 2015).

Today, November 14th, marks Frederick Banting's birthday, which in turn marks World Diabetes Day.

Usually, for me, November 14th marks a day of celebration and thankfulness that Banting, along with Charles Best, discovered insulin, the very thing I need to live.

This year, however, World Diabetes Day feels very different, following what happened in Paris yesterday evening. This year, my heart is heavy, mourning a city, a country, that was my home, albeit for a short period of time.

Then I saw the below posted on Twitter, reminding me that's okay to acknowledge the two side by side. Hence me writing at 11pm.

Source.

On social media outlets last night, I saw how the world came together: #prayforfrance #porteouverte and the lighting up monuments in the colours of the French flag.

I see how the diabetes community comes together regularly.

It supports, it advises (non-medically speaking), it listens. 

It campaigns, it encourages, it cares.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, the DOC is there.

People, on the whole, are good. And people, on the whole, care. I see that on a daily basis, with my family, friends, colleagues, and those I interact with online.

And I've seen it over the last 24 hours following the attacks in Paris last night.

Let's keep on coming together for good.

November.

Here we go again, November. 

Diabetes Awareness Month. 

A whirlwind of campaigns and blogs all aiming to raise awareness of diabetes, whatever the type, with World Diabetes Day falling in the middle of it all (November 14th). 

This year, it seems to be kicking off with the JDRF campaign T1D Looks Like Me. 

Whilst my aim this November is to shine a bit of a spotlight on diabetes and raise awareness, I'm also hoping to pay some attention to some other advocacy efforts that are taking place. 

November doesn't just mark Diabetes Awareness Month. It is also Lung Cancer Awareness Month, Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month, Alzheimer's Disease Awareness Month, Stomach Cancer Awareness Month, Mouth Cancer Awareness Month, Movember...I could go on!

By writing blogs and campaigning like we do through November, we hope to reach a community wider than our own DOC bubble. I'm sure those adovcating for other health conditions throughout November hope to do the same.

So whilst advocating for myself, I'm also going to listen to others outside of my bubble.

November, let's go!

Insulin For All.

Diabetes Awareness Month and World Diabetes Day are fast approaching, and I'd like to make you aware of a returning campaign in the run up to November 14th.

Last year, Liz from T1 International and Lucy from The Pendsey Trust got together and created a campaign with the resounding message being "Put the world back into World Diabetes Day" and it was a huge success.

This year, the message is going to be slightly different - "We are the world in World Diabetes Day" - but the aim is the same - insulin for all.

I've written a lot about this (see here and here) and, out of fear of repeating myself, I'm not going to go on in this post. But I will say this (and repeat myself anyway): insulin is not a luxury, it is necessary to live. Every single person in this world diagnosed with diabetes deserves a chance at living with it, no matter their age, background, country. The fact that type one diabetes is still a death sentence in some countries is shocking, especially in the year 2015.

So, how can you get involved?

It's pretty simple. Like last year, the main premise is to take a picture of yourself holding a sign that says "We are the world in World Diabetes Day" and share on social media with the hashtag #insulinforall

And if posting a selfie isn't enough for you, feel free to check this list out. 

I have no doubt there'll be more to come in the lead up to WDD :)

Pause.

This is nice: it's a Saturday afternoon, and I'm doing absolutely nothing. I went for a run this morning, which was my first run in a while, and it felt good. I had a quick coffee with E.Hales before getting my flu jab, and now I have no plans.

My life seems to have two paces at the moment: a whirlwind of everything happening all at once and nothing. Today, everything has stopped, and I'm very grateful for that. I've needed things to slow down for a while, but my trip to California and then various work commitments upon my return has meant that that hasn't happened until now. Hence the lack of blog action here.

So, why has life had me so busy? Well, like I said, I went to California for a week to see my old housemate, Lopez. All of my diabetes-related appointments happened the week after I got back, and the end of summer leave at work has meant that it was a case of hit-the-ground-running as soon as I returned. I'm also still trying to figure out what comes next, career-wise, which is draining in itself, but I think I may actually be getting somewhere with those decisions. Health-wise, I'm slowly beginning to use more test strips during the course of my day, and, as a result, my numbers are slowly coming in at levels I want them to. I know it's a simple concept: check blood sugar, use that data to make diabetes-decisions. But living at 100mph has meant that something has had to give, and unfortunately it was diabetes that took the hit. Another reason for the lack of posts here - how can I sit here and write when I'm not walking my talk?! 

Acknowledging this made me re-focus my efforts and my priorities. My job is important to me, as is finding the time for my family and friends and godson. But by juggling this, I let my own wellbeing slip. I stopped going to the gym, because I was just too tired to go. My weekends were so packed with coffee dates and dinners and playing with my littlest friend that I ended up going back to work on the Monday as tired as I was when I left Friday evenings.

Re-focussing has left me feeling ultimately happier, with more energy, and just generally feeling good about myself and where my life is currently at.

Acknowledging when things aren't quite right is a good thing, because you can make changes. But it's also important to acknowledge when your efforts have paid off, as an act of kindness to yourself, which is what I'm doing now. And I'm not ashamed to say it.

Point Magu - California.