Study Hard, Party Harder.

Chupítos in Salamanca!

I'm stressing out massively at the moment: I have so much to do and have no idea where to even begin! I have to plan lessons for teaching this week, revise for a phonetics exam on Thursday, prepare for a debate in French class on Tuesday as well as prepare a presentation on the film "Les Intouchables" (which I've never seen, but have to do a presentation on anyway!) Then there's a project I have to do for my phonetics class, another project that I have to do for UEA, module enrollment for next academic year, the list just goes on! I feel like I can barely keep my head above the water! Surprisingly, in this panic, my first thought was check my blood sugar (those "little victories" I was talking about the other day: thinking about my diabetes first like I did today is definitely one of them!) BS was 6.5mmol/l, so at least I knew diabetes was playing ball today. One less thing to worry about!

I don't know where all of this has come from! To be honest, I'm still struggling to believe that I go back to the UK for Easter Break in 9 days! Doesn't feel like I've been here that long, let alone be Easter already! I just wish time would slow down a little bit. My year abroad is quickly nearing the end, and I don't want it to. And seeing how much I've got to do and how little time I have is making me panic! So instead of attempting to tackle the tasks in hand, I've found myself writing here. Don't ask why, because I don't know why I've suddenly decided now would be a good time to write! Just need to clear my head a bit before beginning the mammoth tasks I need to complete.

I was talking with a Spanish friend, venting and just stressing in general, and he reminded me of the expression "study hard, party harder" and suddenly my "mammoth tasks" didn't seem so "mammoth like". Yes, I have a lot of work to do, and  I am going to have to put in a number of hours to get everything done if I want to succeed. As well, I need to remember that even with this heavy workload, I can't let my diabetes care slip again, so need to be very aware of that too. But what's also important that I take the time out to relax and enjoy my time here as well, not get too bogged down by the work load. So I've gone and booked a trip, a treat if you will, for surviving this week: Toledo this coming Saturday. It's a good motivator!

Saline Injections Or A Saline Filled Insulin Pump.

Natural History Museum, London.

There's something about being accepted for who I am, a person with type 1 diabetes, that leaves me feeling all warm inside! My closest friends are really supportive of everything I do, and have chosen to learn odd things when it comes to my diabetes, something I really appreciate. Being diagnosed at 17 and still living at home meant that it wasn't just me that had to adjust to this "new life", but my family did too, as well as my friends. I had gone from being "healthy" and "normal" to diabetic. I had to adjust to this new lifestyle, and my family and friends had to learn the basics should anything happen to me. I only taught them the basics: if they wanted to know more, they could ask. I wasn't going to force them to know everything about my care. At the end of the day, it was "my problem", not theirs. My closest friends from school, however, weren't satisfied with just knowing the basics. They wanted to know everything, and they asked questions; they basically went through the whole learning process with me. I loved it. Things didn't seem as daunting with their support. 

I was fortunate enough to have a similar set-up at university. During my first year, I lived in halls, and I don't know how or why I got so lucky, just that I'm glad that I did. I lived in a flat with five other people, and I couldn't have asked for a better group of flat mates. My building as a whole actually was just...well...awesome! I had the time of my life! I was really worried about how to bring up my diabetes. I knew I needed to, I just didn't know how to start that conversation. Turns out I didn't have to; my Mum took that into her own hands and just turned round and said "tell them!" All eyes were suddenly on me (thanks, Mum!) Not how I wanted it to go down! Anyway, I just told them that I had type 1 diabetes and that I was recently diagnosed, so was still "learning the ropes". I told them that they didn't need to know anything in particular, just to be aware in case anything happened. I wasn't expecting what actually happened over the coming months: they asked questions, wanted to know how I tested my blood, did my injections, carb counted, pretty much everything. Again, I got that warm feeling knowing that my diabetes was just accepted. I didn't have to hide it, inject privately, things like that.

However, there's one person who has well and truly gone above and beyond the call of duty. Well, all my friends have, but this person acts so much like a diabetic, but isn't one, that I think they should give her saline injections or a saline filled insulin pump! This person goes by the name Shep and she is just bloody brilliant. She carb counts for me, tells me if my drink contains regular or diet coke/pepsi, knows how to test my blood, knows how to administer my insulin, has come with me to hospital appointments, has rode in the back of an ambulance with me and come to diabetes events with me (Circle D springs to mind)! She has had my back from the word go, and I no amount of thanks is ever going to be enough as far as I'm concerned.  Even when we're oceans apart (literally...she's in Alabama, I'm in Spain) she still manages to pull through for me. She is without a doubt one of my biggest "supporters", more like my big sister than friend, the other half of my orange, mi media naranja, and I wouldn't change her for anything!

"He Better Be High Or I'm Gonna Be Really Mad!"

Alcalá de Henares.

So, I don't usually post twice in one day, but I feel the following is worthy of a second blog post today!

I'd had a miserable afternoon! I had a French exam and it was awful! I mean, it couldn't have gone worse! So I left the exam feeling really down. French is my favourite class here, and it's the one that I want to do well in, so I was just really disappointed with how it went. I was walking back to the flat, and on my way home I pass a few parks. I was walking past park number two when I heard a woman say to her friend (in English too, I might add) "my son better be high or I'm gonna be really mad!*" I cracked up! Like tears streaming down my face, stomach ached lauged at this comment! The woman looked at me laughing, and before I could apologise she turned round and said "So either you have diabetes, or someone very close to you does!" 

And that was it. We got talking, and actually went for coffee. She told me about her son's diagnosis, and then he showed me how he can now check his own sugar levels. It was really refreshing. Since leaving England back in September, I haven't met anyone with diabetes, and I've missed having people to talk with about that side of my life, whether it be that I need to moan and vent or celebrate the wins that happen every now and then. It was the first time in a long time that I had a conversation with someone about diabetes where I didn't need to explain everything. I loved it! Definitely brightened up my mood!

*I should explain, this mother didn't want her son to have high blood sugars: he was misbehaving, and he plays up more when his blood sugars are high, meaning she can somewhat forgive his behaviour. This is what she meant by her comment, not that she literally wanted her son to have high blood sugars!

The Little Victories.

Parque De Buen Retiro, Madrid.

I've recently got my diabetes care back on track: I finally did a basal test, I got myself back on injections and started sugar testing and record keeping once more. I'm currently working on honing in on my carb counting skills, but in general, I'm back on track with my diabetes care. I've learnt that I can't just put it on the backburner like I did. 

A month ago, I was very, very lost. It was like I'd forgotten everything about my diabetes care. I just didn't know how to get myself back on track. I think it was worse than the first time I omitted insulin: at least when it happened the first time, I was in England, I had my healthcare team there to help me when I needed them, I had my best friend, my amazing housemates, other friends with diabetes that had been through a similar thing, basically this incredible network of people to help me work through my issues. This time, however, I was alone. Well, not alone, but didn't have any support in person, because I'm currently on my year abroad. That made things more difficult, as you can imagine. 

But a visit from my best friend (who is also on her year abroad) gave me that kick up the arse that I needed to sort things out. The first thing I did was re-educate myself diabetes-wise. I'm talking like really going back to basics. I read Think Like A Pancreas and it really helped with getting back on track. Since reading this book, I've been on a real "learning-kick". I've always been one of those people that needs to know "what they're up against" when it comes to...well...anything. Knowledge is power. I was looking on the Amazon Kindle Store the other day, for more diabetes-related reading, and came across a book called The Smart Woman's Guide To Diabetes. A gender-specific book about diabetes. Clearly, I had to download and read this!

It wasn't as good as Think Like A Pancreas, in my opinion, but nonetheless a good read. I loved that it contained lots of anecdotes from females with diabetes and how they faced certain challenges, but it wasn't as informative as other literature on diabetes that I have read. But, like I said, I've been on a real "learning-kick" so still took some things from it.

All in all, things have been really good over the last month or so. Now, I know a month isn't a long time when you have a long-standing health condition like type 1 diabetes, but it's all about the little victories leading up to the bigger picture. This month has definitely been a little victory, and it is one that I am going to acknowledge and be proud of. 

(N.B - the aforementioned opinions on the two books are just that: my opinions.)

The Future.

Where will I be in 5 years?

The future isn't something I like to think about. I like my life as it is, and I don't want things to change anytime soon. Today, my Nan, Aunt and Uncle arrived in Alcalá, and they're here visiting me for a few days. I met them after teaching and took them for lunch and coffee whilst we waited for the Spanish siesta to finish in order to go and do all the tourist things round Alcalá. Whilst I was happily sat there drinking my decaf coffee and eating a muffin, I was asked the million dollar question that has been playing on my mind recently: what are my plans when I finish uni?

I haven't got a clue! But the time has come, it seems, to start seriously thinking about coming up with some kind of plan as to where I want my life to go after uni. Anyone that knows me knows that I don't do future planning. I can just about think about the next two months, if that! I'm quite relaxed and just take things as they come. However, graduating from university is a big deal, and, as much as I hate to admit it, I need a life plan. Well, a plan for at least the first few years after uni, anyway! It's just for someone like me, who doesn't really plan for anything, it's quite a scary thing to contemplate!

It's strange: three years ago, I had life plans. I knew exactly what I wanted and how I was going to realise my goals. I had job plans, knew I wanted to get married, have kids, the works: I used my head, followed my heart, and nothing could get in my way. Then diabetes came along, and something changed. I don't know what it was exactly, but something did. I stopped following my heart, started over thinking everything, and just stopped thinking big. I learnt that things aren't always going to go your way. I mean, it's not that I was naive and thought life was going to be easy, but at 17 I wasn't exactly expecting the diagnosis of a chronic illness like diabetes either!

Over the last three years, I have accomplished a lot, things I didn't think were possible back when I was diagnosed. I passed my A Levels for a start, and got into UEA, where I have had the most amazing time, and have made some life-long friends. I started SDUK with Lizzie, and although still small, a huge achievement that has helped a lot of people. I've moved abroad and lived in two different countries. Okay, none of these have been easy to achieve, but they are achievements nonetheless, and it's because of these success stories that I find myself wanting to "dream big" again. Start following my heart a bit more (whilst still using my head, of course!) Create a version of the future I wanted when I was 17, because at 20, things are a little different now! Nonetheless, it is definitely time to start trying to think big again, and stop being afraid.  

Me Encanta Salamanca!

Plaza Mayor, Salamanca.

There are no words to describe just how much I loved my time in Salamanca! It was amazing! I am definitely planning on going back, and I'll hopefully take a friend with me from Alcalá: there was a "chupitería" (shot bar) that she would very much appreciate!

I needed this weekend; going somewhere different with familiar face (I stayed with two friends from UEA). It really was good to get away and explore somewhere new. I love Alcalá, but with all the diabetes issues I've been sorting out, I just needed to get away, knowing I would feel a lot more "refreshed" upon my return.

Well, "refreshed" may not be the right word to describe how I'm feeling: I'm actually rather tired. I got sucked in by the 1 euro shots at the "chupitería" last night, and I've spent a lot of my day sleeping on the coach back to Madrid! However, I feel a lot happier having got out of Alcalá for a bit, so mission accomplished! I'm also on my way to becoming a tapas-bolusing master! I had tortilla last night with my sangría (yes, I braved sangría for the first time since being here too). Tapa plus sangría plus a bit of luck when guessing the bolus plus walking back to the flat resulted in a 5.5mmol/l when I finally got into bed! Quick snack and the sleep, and I woke up on a 5.5mmol/l as well!!! I'm on my way back! 

Staying On Track.

Always good to see a 5.5mmol/l!

I've come to the conclusion that getting back on track isn't actually that difficult, it's staying on track that is. When it came to getting back on track, I was really motivated. I drew up sugar charts on excel for me to start logging again, I read books on living with type 1 to learn more about it, I was in contact with my DSN in order to play about with my ratios, all in all, I was on the right path.

Now, I've found I've hit that point where it's not quite habit again, but the "fun" of "starting over" has also worn off. Saying that, I did wake up to a 5.5mmol/l today, so that has put me in a good, motivated mood for today at least. I just need to push through this in-between stage. It's almost habit again, and that's the point I need to get to: where I check my sugar levels without even realising, and taking insulin is just second-nature. 

I've been searching for something to keep me motivated long-term, something to aim for that will require me to continue putting my diabetes first. I think I've found it. Just ironing out some kinks, sorting out some formalities. But even though it's not set-in-stone yet, I'm excited about the potential of it, and it will be exactly what I need to keep me going. All will be revealed soon. Watch this space!