"That's The Bad One, Right?!"

Type 1 vs. Type 1.5

I was on my way to visit a friend today (one of the many diabetics in my life), and I bumped into an old acquaintance on the bus. We got talking, small talk, you know: what have we been up to, that kind of thing. During our conversation, a hypo decided to strike, so out came my blood testing kit and my carton of apple juice. I didn't think twice about what I was doing or who was around me; I just knew that the hypo needed to be treated. Obviously, questions were then raised, which is fine. I get that people are curious. I explained that I had type 1 diabetes and the response I received was "that's the bad one, right?!" 

Is there a bad type of diabetes?! As far as I'm concerned, all types of diabetes are: type 1, type 2, type 1.5, gestational, neo-natal, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what type you have, it's still bad. At the end of the day, all diabetics are striving to do the same thing: keep their blood glucose levels in check.

If by "the bad one" you mean that I have to take insulin injections, then, yes, I have "the bad one." I have to take insulin injections multiple times a day in order to keep my sugar levels in check. It's called MDI (Multiple Daily Injections) and it means that I have type 1. All type 1's have to take insulin, whether through injections or pumping, in order to control their sugar levels. It's a lot of hassle, yes, but it doesn't mean we have the bad type of diabetes. 

Whatever type of diabetes you have, the aim is the same, and the potential consequences of not keeping glucose levels in check are the same too. Just because my Granddad takes metformin tablets and I have to do injections doesn't make his diabetes any less of a problem. Just because my housemate is a type 1.5 (we think) and doesn't take any medication at the moment and I have to do injections doesn't make her diabetes any less serious.  

In short, diabetes is serious no matter what type you have!

Can And Will.

The beautiful Toledo.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching lately. Dangerous, I know, but once you start, it's pretty hard to stop; I opened that box that I had tightly sealed for a good three years, and once it was open, there was no closing it! It started when some family came to visit me in Alcalá and that million dollar question was asked: what am I gonna do when I finish university? What comes next for me? These questions have been causing me to freak out for the better part of the last two weeks!

Like I wrote a few weeks ago, I have no idea where I want my life to go after university, and I am still clueless, that much hasn't changed. But one thing that has changed since then is my attitude. I wrote in my post "The Future" that I wanted, and needed, to start "dreaming big" again and stop being afraid. My future is something I can control, to an extent, so I need to stop "floating" and get some direction whilst I still can. There are so many opportunities out there, I just need to go find them.

I still don't know what my "big dream" is, but what I do know that I can and I will accomplish "it", whatever "it" may be. One thing I am sure of, however, is that whatever happens, as long as I have my family and my friends, I will be absolutely fine. With their support, I can achieve anything and get to where I want to be. 

"Dark And Twisty" No More!

Ellen and I at Vodka Revs.

My friend Ellen and I have always been known as the "glass half empty" girls in our group of friends back home; the ones that provide the reality check and think very logically. It's why we get on: we think the same. Ellen's the friend that I refer to as my "person" (Grey's Anatomy reference, as is the title of this post (may as well reference everything at once!)): she's the one I'd call upon if I'd murdered someone and needed help disposing of the body. She is the Christina Yang to my Meredith Grey (or the Meredith Grey to my Christina Yang...I'm not really sure!)

Well, neither of us are sure why, but recently we have found ourselves having a more "glass half full" outlook on things, and I don't think we ever thought we'd say this, but we're liking the change! I'm definitely liking the change! I mean, I was by no means negative all the time, but I was never this positive and just generally happy either.

I've been trying to work out what's changed for the both of us. Because this transition seems to have happened to the both of us at the same time. When I read Ruben's The Happiness Project, the other nugget of information I took from her writings (the "happiness box" being the first which you can read about here) was that we're happier when those around us are happy. Have we had that affect on each other? I've noticed a definite change in my mood and outlook since getting back on track with my diabetes. I'd never really taken the time to see just how much poor control affected my mood, but I can 100% say that, for me personally, there is a correlation between good sugar levels and what my mood is like. As well, living abroad has definitely made me more independent and confident: I can see that change in me. I've also lost weight, feel like I am generally healthier (insulin omitting situation aside) and a hell of a lot more grateful for my family, friends and other various support networks. Are all of these things contributing to my level of happiness?

As for Ellen: she joined the gym after I returned to Toulouse and goes various times a week. She feels more energised, eats better, has generally more productive days, has recently become a Godmother again to a gorgeous baby girl whose cuteness definitely does rival that of our Godson's (can't believe I just admitted that!!)  I think these are clear contributors to her happiness. 

And if we put these together: is the fact she's happier than I've seen her in a long time making me happy and vice-versa?! Either way, it needs to continue! It has been more than a while since we were both in a "happy place" at the same time! It's always been one of us is good, the other's not. Here's hoping this lasts a while!

Health vs. Image.

January 2013.

The day before yesterday, I read a blog post from Kayla's Life Notes called "The Body" and I thought it was a really interesting read. In keeping with this topic, yesterday in French class we had a debate, the subject of which was "the body and our changing attitudes". One point that kept on coming up was that the body equals image. It's interesting, because when I think back to before diagnosis, I very much would have said the same thing. Today, a lot of people have issues with the way they look: people are constantly on diets, make up is a necessity for most females, we spend money getting our hair styled, manicures, pedicures, facials, joining the gym, the list is endless. If we're honest with ourselves, we all probably have at least one part of ourselves we would like to change. I know I do!

In spite of this, however, when discussing the body, image isn't the first thing I think of anymore. The first thing that comes to mind for me is health. Now, I know this is because of diabetes, no other reason. Having type 1 means I am very aware of my body and when something isn't quite "right". As far as I'm concerned, there's no way you can have diabetes and not be in tune with your body. When it comes to foods, I know more or less how many carbohydrates I'm eating so I can then adjust my insulin, I know what it feels like to have high blood sugar, I know what it feels like to have low blood sugar (as experienced today, also in French class, rather suddenly!) Because of some of the long-term complications of diabetes, I get my eyes and feet checked regularly too. I've learnt that my body isn't "invincible" and that I have to take care of it.

For people with diabetes, I think the line between health and image is a fine one. It is well known that one of the symptoms of diabetes is rapid weight loss: by reducing your insulin dose or not taking any at all, people with diabetes are able to control their weight. It's neither a healthy nor a safe way of loosing weight, but something that many people do. We're too concerned with the way we look, something we can control here in the present, to consider the long-term consequences to our bodies, and not just with diabulimia (the omitting or manipulating of insulin doses to lose weight), but with other eating disorders as well and things we do in order to "look better".

I am in no way 100% happy with the way I look; like most, I have my insecurities, and I have found myself omitting insulin too. I am by no means a "model diabetic", writing to tell you you should be happy with your body and do everything the "proper way", as that would make me a huge hypocrite. But yesterday's debate really made me think about the lengths people go to in order to have the perfect body and image. What they don't think about however, is the damage they are causing their body in the long-term. We constantly compare ourselves to those around us, or those we see pictured in magazines (I'm also guilty of this), but we forget that we are all different and individual.

So, my message to you today is this: if you want to change the way you look, fine, go ahead, you can do it. Just remember to look after your body in the process: you only get one, so take care of it, and I'm sure it will take care of you.   

Here Comes The Sun.

Finally, some sun!

Alcalá/Madrid in general has finally seen some sun today! The weather has been beautiful and I took full advantage of this as, not only was the weather good, but it was also "puente" or a bank holiday here, so after teaching this morning I ventured into Madrid for the rest of the day. 

I spent most of my day outside taking in the sun. First thing I did was grab a Starbucks. I was getting withdrawal symptoms it had been so long since I last had one. I then walked from there through El Parque De Buen Retiro (picture) to Puerta De Alcalá, up Calle De Alcalá and then along Gran Vía all the way along to Plaza De Espana where I bought another Starbucks (withdrawals, I tell you!) and sat myself down with my kindle for a couple of hours. It was bliss.

However, as lovely as all this walking around soaking up the sun was, it also meant that I spent a lot of the afternoon bringing my sugar levels back up. Yep...one day of sun and a little bit of heat, and it's already having an affect on my sugar levels. And we're not even near the kind of temperatures that I have been told to expect after Easter break. Brilliant. Think it's time to start stockpiling on fruit juice cartons and sweets! I have a feeling I'll need quite a lot whilst I work out new insulin to carb ratios as the weather gets warmer. On a brighter note (no pun intended), hopefully means I'll return to England in June with an awesome tan. If not, definitely a waste of 5 months!

Major Fail.

Toledo!

Today, I went to the beautiful town that is Toledo, about an hour outside of Madrid. Like with Salamanca, I just fell in love with the place! It was just so typically Spanish! I loved it! I went with three other friends, and we then met with more people we knew once in Toledo. Apart from the crappy weather (seriously, I thought opting to come to Spain from January to June was going to mean good weather, not the rain and cloud I've had so far!) it was a really good day!

That said, today, I had one of the biggest diabetes-fails ever...I think! We went to a restaurant for lunch. I ordered the homemade burger and chips with salad (nice and Spanish). My blood sugar before lunch was 17.8mmol/l: I bought a coffee and it definitely had some kind of sugary/syrup-y type stuff in it that shot me right up! Usually, when eating out at a restaurant, I bolus after eating not before, so I can then look at the potion sizes and guess the carbs. However, with the 17.8mmol/l reading, I went ahead and just bolused with that I would bolus if I were to cook burger and chips myself. 

Major fail. 100% over-estimated how many carbs I would be eating, and so began the game of keep my blood-sugar up in order to match the insulin I'd already taken. I hypoed three times this afternoon/evening! It's not been fun, and I have consumed so much food/so many full-sugar drinks it's actually a little bit ridiculous!

Note to self: when eating out, always bolus after eating! Or at least wait to look at the portion sizes anyway!

Dear Mickey...

The latest to add to my collection!

Yesterday, I received a postcard from my best friend who is studying in Alicante at the moment. This past year, I have absolutely loved receiving postcards! It's how I've kept up-to-date with how many of my friends are doing, and how I've kept in touch with them (although, this semester I have to admit I've been awful! I really need to buy stamps and get sending!) I have quite the collection now, with postcards from Alabama, Clermont-Ferrand, Granada, Paris, San Francisco, and my latest one from Alicante. The timing of this latest one was pretty darn perfect. 

On Monday, I wrote about the ridiculous list of things I had to work through before returning to the UK for Easter Break and how in that panic, my first thought was to check my blood sugar. I've spent so long trying to get back on track, the last thing I wanted was to get so stressed out with everything that I completely lose it again! I have spent enough of my semester here in Spain getting this sorted, and it's almost habit again! I really don't want to go back to the beginning yet again! 

Now, my best friend knows that I went through a particularly shitty time when I first got here; she came to visit me knowing it was what I needed, even if I didn't want to admit it; she always seems to know that something's wrong before I've even spoken to her. It's like a sixth sense! There is no way she could have known about Monday, as I didn't mention anything to her, and I'm pretty certain she doesn't know I'm writing again. I haven't told her I am, anyway. I don't know why, I just haven't. It's not that I don't want her to know, just that it hasn't come up.

Anyway, the postcard arrived yesterday. First of all, she addressed it "Dear Mickey" (thanks, Nem!), and this confused my flatmate a lot! She knocked on my bedroom door saying that she thought I had a postcard, but it was addressed to "Mickey" and not "Vicki". She then needed me to clarify what my name actually was, as she was worried my name was actually "Mickey" (again, thanks, Nem!). Mickey is an "inside joke", if you will, that started a long time ago and I haven't been able to shake the name since. At the end of the postcard, this was written:

P.S: I didn't want to write anything about the "D-word" but use this postcard to keep you on the straight. Love you, chica! x

Coincidence? Maybe. Superpowers? Likely. After years of knowing me, she now knows all of my little "tells"? Definitely. Even if I do hate how much she can read me sometimes! Either way, timing couldn't have been better!