|Easter Break in England.|
My attitude towards diabetes over the last three years has been all over the place. A love/hate relationship, if you will. One minute, I'm like "I've got this", the next I'm saying "screw you!" I think this is due to the age at which I was diagnosed (17); I didn't want to be thinking about the carb content of foods and keeping bloods in check, I wanted to be going out with my friends, being a "normal" teenager.
For the last three months or so, my attitude has been very different. Since getting back on track after my omitting stunt after the move from Toulouse to Madrid, all in all, my attitude to diabetes has actually been very positive. I've realised that I can't keep on "choosing" when I want to control my diabetes and when I don't. Amongst the diabetic community, you often hear people say "I have diabetes, diabetes doesn't have me." The moment you stop controlling your diabetes is the moment diabetes has won: it has you. Yes, we all have our moments, and that is totally normal; diabetes is a full-time, unpaid job. Not only do we have to get up go to school/university/work, fulfil whatever commitments we may have and get on with our day-to-day lives, but we also have to take on the role of an organ in our body that doesn't work. So it's okay to have one of those days when the last thing you want to do it give yourself a shot or check your blood. It happens. We just write it off as a bad day and try again.
Diabetes is a huge part of who I am. It's not something I can just turn off or leave behind. It is with me 24/7, 365 days a year, and will be until a cure is found. The way I see it, I can do one of two things: I can ignore it, "run away" from it like I have in the past, and just hope for the best with regard to my present and future health, or I can control it (obviously better for my health) and turn it into something good. I have already written about the good that has come out of my diagnosis: the friendships, the opportunities. Now it's just a case of remaining focused and remembering the words of Kerri: "diabetes doesn't define me, but it helps explain me."