"There's A Tide In The Affairs Of Men..."

London with the housemates.

"There's a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood leads onto fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea we are now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose our venutres." 

The words of Brutus in William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, one of my favourite Shakespeare plays. 

Translation?

For me, it basically means life is short, opportunities are rare, and therefore we must take what we can, when we can. Whether it be the opportunity to take part in something great, overcome something, learn something or just the opportunity to see the good, laugh a little, take in the enchantment of this thing we call life. Seize the day. Easier said than done, I know, but nonetheless something I've been trying to do since the start of my "get-back-on-track-plan". 

As a diabetic, I am well aware of the fact that life is short. On a daily basis, I have to give myself injections in order to stay alive; I have to deal with hypers and make sure I don't reach DKA, I have to deal with hypos and make sure that I bring my sugar levels back up to a safe level. These kinds of situations are now what I call "normal". Wake up, check blood, give breakfast dose of insulin, take a shower, get dressed, eat breakfast: it's just part of my daily routine. 

Since sorting out my blood sugar levels, I have noticed a huge improvement in my mood, something I have written about before. I am generally happier, I wake up feeling refreshed, I'm more productive; it's taken a lot of time and effort to get there, but I'm seeing the results and reaping the benefits which is making it all worth while. It's not been an easy journey, but one that, right now, I am succeeding in, and I'm determined for this to continue. 

I've spent far too long "hating" my diabetes. I often chose to ignore it rather than deal with it and generally it was just something that I didn't face up to. It will never be something I overcome; it's not something that will go away, but I have learnt how to manage it, and properly this time. I can see the good that has come of it and the opportunities I have had because of it.

So I'm going to carry on seizing these opportunities, when I can, and seeing what else I can gain from having type 1, whether it be new friendships, new knowledge or new experiences. If I'm going to have to live with it for the rest of my life, may as well take advantage of the chances that arise as a result of it. 

It's The Little Things In Life...

Sunny days in Alcalá!

It's often said that it's the little things in life that make us happy, and I think this is true. I think it's fair to say everyone has a list of things that make them happy. I do. However, over the last three years, that list of the "little things" that make me happy is so much longer now because of my diabetes. 

So there are the normal things:

• Sunny days
• Snow days
• Duvet days with my housemates
• Getting a coffee with extra foam
• Seeing an old couple holding hands (I'm a sucker for it!)
• When my godson says "Please, Vicki"
• When I get a text/email out of the blue from friends
• Cups of tea
• Back-to-back marathon of a favourite tv show 
• A good book

Then there are the diabetes-related things:

• Buying a new make-up bag for my diabetes stuff
• Waking up on a 5.5mmol/l (Best feeling ever!)
• Going to a restaurant, completely guessing my carbs and bolusing correctly
• Eating cake and bolusing correctly
• Having a whole day with good sugar levels
• Changing my lancet after god-knows how long
• Getting an updated version of Carbs and Cals (the book I use when it comes to carb counting).

Funny how something I don't want to have has managed to bring some level of happiness to my life, even if it is just waking up on a 5.5mmol/l once a month!

The Importance Of Making Notes.

Rather detailled sugar logs!

Since February, I've been avidly logging my sugar levels and taking note of what foods I am eating, as well as insulin doses. Yes, it is time consuming, but, for now, it is necessary for me to stay on top of my diabetes. For the month of April, I added an extra column: Notes. 

So simple, yet so effective. Throughout February and March, I logged all of my sugar levels and insulin doses, but wasn't really able to pin-point any patterns. Why? Because I wasn't taking note of any potential reasons behind the high and low blood sugar levels. I mean, I could spot patterns that would then tell me if my ratios needed to be changed and, although helpful, not the only thing I need to be thinking about. 

I've been making notes for a week now. Yes, it means I have to put more time into sugar logging and everything, but the hope is, after another month or so, I won't need to log in as much detail as I am because I'll know what's going on when. There will be a routine; I will know the patterns.

Well...that's the hope, anyway! It's one thing to be doing this whilst on year abroad and getting back on track, but this is not something I want to be doing every day for the rest of my life!

Diabetes And Me.

Easter Break in England.

"Diabetes doesn't define me, but it helps explain me" -- The words of Kerri Sparling who blogs at sixuntilme.com, and I believe them to be very true. 

My attitude towards diabetes over the last three years has been all over the place. A love/hate relationship, if you will. One minute, I'm like "I've got this", the next I'm saying "screw you!" I think this is due to the age at which I was diagnosed (17); I didn't want to be thinking about the carb content of foods and keeping bloods in check, I wanted to be going out with my friends, being a "normal" teenager. 

For the last three months or so, my attitude has been very different. Since getting back on track after my omitting stunt after the move from Toulouse to Madrid, all in all, my attitude to diabetes has actually been very positive. I've realised that I can't keep on "choosing" when I want to control my diabetes and when I don't. Amongst the diabetic community, you often hear people say "I have diabetes, diabetes doesn't have me." The moment you stop controlling your diabetes is the moment diabetes has won: it has you. Yes, we all have our moments, and that is totally normal; diabetes is a full-time, unpaid job. Not only do we have to get up go to school/university/work, fulfil whatever commitments we may have and get on with our day-to-day lives, but we also have to take on the role of an organ in our body that doesn't work. So it's okay to have one of those days when the last thing you want to do it give yourself a shot or check your blood. It happens. We just write it off as a bad day and try again.

Diabetes is a huge part of who I am. It's not something I can just turn off or leave behind. It is with me 24/7, 365 days a year, and will be until a cure is found. The way I see it, I can do one of two things: I can ignore it, "run away" from it like I have in the past, and just hope for the best with regard to my present and future health, or I can control it (obviously better for my health) and turn it into something good. I have already written about the good that has come out of my diagnosis: the friendships, the opportunities. Now it's just a case of remaining focused and remembering the words of Kerri: "diabetes doesn't define me, but it helps explain me."

Happy April!

Madrid.

Tomorrow, I head back to Spain for the last leg of my year abroad. I have really mixed feelings about this. Year abroad has, without a doubt, been my biggest challenge so far. I've had my ups and downs, like most people on year abroad, but in spite of this, I can say it has been one of the best experiences and I would recommend it to anyone and everyone! It really is an experience: living in another country, meeting new people, new culture, new foods, travelling. It's amazing! But I am extremley glad that year abroad is just that...a year. As on a diabetes-level, I really don't think I can go on like this for much longer!

This year, diabetes has not been my priority, and I know it probably should have been. The last thing I needed was to end up in hospital whilst on year abroad. Somehow, I have managed to avoid hospitals, but that doesn't mean that I have been a model diabetic. In fact, I've been pretty darn awful, if I'm honest! As soon as I am back in the UK permanently, I have promised myself that I am going to seriously dedicate significant amounts of time to my diabetes care! I need to! I said on my diabetes anniversary that this is going to be the year that I lower my hba1c. There was a time when I had it down at 6.5%. Now, I'm not expecting this straight away, but the fact that I've been there before tells me that it is possible to get there, it's just going to take some time and effort, and this time round, I really am game. 

Two more months in Spain, and then, diabetes, I promise you will be a priority once again! I'm sorry for neglecting you for so long! 

Friends With Diabetes.

Circle D.

I've had three days of catching up with the diabetics in my life and I have loved it! On Tuesday, I visited my friend, Sam, and his family, which was nice and chilled. We swapped stories and I got to catch up with his lovely fiancée and two children as well. It was bliss. Then, randomly, I realised that Circle D Queen Shelley had a Rant Room organised for Wednesday, so obviously I went to that! It was so much fun! It was actually bring a friend night, so my Yang came with me. It was very last minute, but I'm so glad I went. It was just nice being able to see people again. Finally, on Thursday, I saw Lizzie. 

As soon as I knew I was coming back to England for Easter break, one of my priorities was seeing Lizzie. To be honest, I've been missing the company of other diabetics for a while now, but seeing as I talk to Lizzie pretty much everyday, she was clearly going to be the one I got in touch with first! I went to Reading for the day, and we ate Nandos (favourite restaurant), drank Starbucks (favourite coffee shop) and shopped (like we were going to do anything else!) It was lovely! Although I talk to her everyday, I miss her when I'm away: talking via Whatsapp or Facebook just isn't the same as seeing her in person!

We spent the day catching up on each other's lives and talking diabetes, moaning, venting, laughing. It was exactly what I needed. What we needed, I think. Ask any other diabetic and I'm pretty certain they will tell you the same thing: when it comes to actually "talking diabetes", there's something different about talking to someone who "gets it". My friends at home and at uni are amazing when it comes to my diabetes, but talking with another diabetic is just different. It's hard to explain, but if you're reading this and have diabetes yourself, you'll know what I'm talking about. 

Something we also spoke about, albeit briefly, was SDUK, the group we started a year ago now. We need to take this group forward, and we want to. So once finals are over for Lizzie and things have calmed down a bit for her after graduation and stuff, we'll see what we can actually put into action over the summer. Watch this space!

Three Years.

Mexican!

Here we are again. March 29th. My Diabetes Anniversary. I still don't know how I'm meant to feel about today. On the one hand, I'm happy: I've accomplished a lot since I was diagnosed, I've met some lovely people, made some life-long friends. Diabetes has helped shape who I am today, and I'm happy with the person I am. On the other hand, diabetes has caused me so many problems that I really could have done without. It sometimes gets in the way of everyday things, and is just more often that not an added stress that I don't want to deal with. 

It's been three years now since I was diagnosed. Three years. You'd think after three years I'd be a diabetes pro. When I was diagnosed, I definitely thought I'd be a pro after three years. But believe me when I say I'm not. I've learnt that diabetes isn't something you can study, learn and practice. There isn't a skill when it comes to good diabetes management; you just have to learn to roll with whatever it throws your way. It's definitely kept me on my toes over the past year!

This past year has probably been the hardest for me with regard to my diabetes. I've got some amazing friends that have helped see me through the good and the bad for the first two years after my diagnosis. This year, however, I moved abroad, as did some of them, and others remained at UEA/at other universities in the UK, and that meant I was "on my own", and it has been a struggle. However, despite being in numerous different cities spread over different time zones, they've still pulled through when I've needed them, and for that I am eternally grateful. I don't need to list names: they'll know I'm talking about them.

I have a lot of hopes this year with regard to my diabetes. First, this is going to be the year I don't "fall off the wagon". Diabetes has had this emotional control over me from the start, and it needs to stop. I have diabetes; diabetes doesn't have me. Second, I'm going to put forward my case for an insulin pump. I'm not saying I'm going to get one, but I'm definitely going to put up a fight for one. Third, I'm going to lower my hba1c. It had gone up in December when I had my last hba1c, and I'm expecting it to be higher still when I have my first endo appointment post year abroad, but after that, I will be working hard to lower it once more.

I actually celebrated my diabetes anniversary on Wednesday (dinner with the girls and my godson and it was amazing!), so all that's left to say is happy anniversary diabetes! Let's see what mountains you make me climb this year.