Yesterday we kept stuff in, so today let's clear stuff out. What's in your diabetic closet that needs to be cleaned out? This can be an actual physical belonging, or something you're mentally or emotionally hanging on to. Why are you keeping it and why do you need to get rid of it?
Guilt. That's what I want, need, and am trying, to get rid of. Diabetes-related guilt.
It comes in many forms. A high blood sugar when I thought I'd carb-counted my meal precisely. A low blood sugar when I'm looking after my godson. Feeling down when I have a lot of good in my life, yet I can't can't snap out of that funk. Or after comments other people are making regarding my health/food/diabetes-related choices.
One of the things you're taught in school is kindness. Be kind to others, treat them how we wish to be treated ourselves.
And that's true, don't get me wrong.
But what about being kind to ourselves? Going easy on ourselves, and remembering that we're only human and there's only so much we can do?
I try my best to keep my blood sugar levels in line, and my head in a good place to make that happen. Sometimes, the two aren't in sync, and when they aren't, that's when I feel the most guilty: I'm lucky enough to have access to test strips and insulin, I wear an insulin pump, I don't have to pay for my health care. I have no reason to feel the way I sometimes do, I just do. And because I feel that those feelings are unjustified, I don't spend time addressing the situation. Instead, I tell myself to get on with it.
I don't ease up on myself mentally. I don't give myself the time to work through where I'm at emotionally. I don't vocalise where my head's at, worried that comments from others will make me feel even more guilty.
Since my appointment last week, I've really tried to ease up on myself emotionally, take things one day at a time and not expect everything to fall back into place overnight. It's so much easier said than done, and still early days, but I feel so much better for it.
I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. And I don't have it all figured out. But I'm here, pursuing a career post-graduation, travelling, hanging out with family and friends, rambling away on this blog, excited about what comes next. All, apparently, a whole lot more fun when you're not giving yourself a hard time.
Guilt. That's what I want, need, and am trying, to get rid of. Diabetes-related guilt.
It comes in many forms. A high blood sugar when I thought I'd carb-counted my meal precisely. A low blood sugar when I'm looking after my godson. Feeling down when I have a lot of good in my life, yet I can't can't snap out of that funk. Or after comments other people are making regarding my health/food/diabetes-related choices.
One of the things you're taught in school is kindness. Be kind to others, treat them how we wish to be treated ourselves.
And that's true, don't get me wrong.
But what about being kind to ourselves? Going easy on ourselves, and remembering that we're only human and there's only so much we can do?
I try my best to keep my blood sugar levels in line, and my head in a good place to make that happen. Sometimes, the two aren't in sync, and when they aren't, that's when I feel the most guilty: I'm lucky enough to have access to test strips and insulin, I wear an insulin pump, I don't have to pay for my health care. I have no reason to feel the way I sometimes do, I just do. And because I feel that those feelings are unjustified, I don't spend time addressing the situation. Instead, I tell myself to get on with it.
I don't ease up on myself mentally. I don't give myself the time to work through where I'm at emotionally. I don't vocalise where my head's at, worried that comments from others will make me feel even more guilty.
Since my appointment last week, I've really tried to ease up on myself emotionally, take things one day at a time and not expect everything to fall back into place overnight. It's so much easier said than done, and still early days, but I feel so much better for it.
I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. And I don't have it all figured out. But I'm here, pursuing a career post-graduation, travelling, hanging out with family and friends, rambling away on this blog, excited about what comes next. All, apparently, a whole lot more fun when you're not giving yourself a hard time.
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Yes, guilt is a great answer! Good post :)
ReplyDeleteGuilt's a big one for me. Thanks for your comment :)
DeleteI enjoy reading your blogs when they get emailed to me:)
ReplyDeleteAwww, thank you so much! That means a lot, so thank you for commenting!
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